Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize