Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize