I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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