life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
