Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
