Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
