so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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