i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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