How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
