I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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