grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think i have two assholes
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize