conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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