He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
