would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
