we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
