now i know why i became what i already was.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
