I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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