i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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