Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
