Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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