Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
