How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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