im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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