I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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