I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
