My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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