did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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