At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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