two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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