I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
