Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
