I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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