she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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