I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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