So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
