i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
