my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love you. Go after that dick
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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