Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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