Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
