last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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