Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
