You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
