I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
