Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
