New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings