He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.