I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.