He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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