My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.