She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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