'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.