Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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