Duck Duck Cougar?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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