I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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