He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
