I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
