I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
