Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize