I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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