i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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