you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
