so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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