Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
