they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
