I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
