you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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