he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
