That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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