The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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