pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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