I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
