Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
