Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
