honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
