He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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