Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
