i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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