I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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