Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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