You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
