Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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