I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
