hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
