I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
